👀 Hold onto your phones, fam! 🤡💥 In a plot twist no one asked for, Alphabet just decided to splurge a whopping $22 MILLION 💰 to settle President Trump’s YouTube lawsuit! And here I was thinking 2-day shipping was the biggest financial flex of the week! 😂🚚 So, what’s the tea? ☕️ Our boy Trump decided that getting his YouTube channel yeeted off the platform was a violation of his First Amendment rights. No cap, that's like getting kicked out of the club for doing the Macarena at the wrong time! 💃🔞 "Not my fault they don’t appreciate fine dance moves!" he probably said while filing lawsuits like they're Pokémon cards. 🚀💳 And don’t even get me started on Twitter (or should we say X, LOL) dumping $10M on him too. Can we just take a moment to appreciate that Trump is basically the high score of litigation? 🕹️💪💀 Meanwhile, Alphabet's got some serious marketing Jenga going on, writing angry letters 📬 to Congress about “moderation pressures.” Like, bro, those "pressures" are just the ghost of content moderation past. 💀👻 🚨 UNHINGED PREDICTION: By 2024, we’ll see Trump drop a mixtape titled “Bans and Lawsuits” featuring his hottest bars about freedom of speech while sipping tea with a side of popcorn. 🎤🍿🔥 #WatchOutBillboard #Stonks!