🚨💥 BREAKING: Beeper’s messaging app is BACK! 💥🚨 No, this isn't a sequel to a bad rom-com, it's more like that cringe ex you thought deleted their account but BOOM, here they are! 🤡💔 So, this app was all like, "Hey fam, let’s make talking to your friends even MORE complicated by connecting ALL your apps into one chaotic blender! 🎉🥤" But guess what? They’re now upgrading their setup to be on-device — ya know, the hot new trend where your messages don't float around in the cloud like lost puppies! 🐶☁️ 🔥✨ But wait! There's a *premium upgrade*! Because why settle for free when you can pay for that sweet, sweet digital user agreement? If you think your chats are secure now, just imagine giving Beeper $5 a month to have them securely *not* care about your memes! Stonks? 🤔💸 💬 Leaked dev quote: “Honestly, we just wanted to sound cool with the ‘on-device’ thing and flex on WhatsApp.” 🤖💀 Listen, the only thing I trust on the cloud is my Tinder profile pic — and even that’s questionable. This is fine! 🤷‍♂️🔥 Expect the *next big thing* to be an AI-powered translator for grandma’s texts (because ‘how u doin’?’ isn’t universal, chief) 🤦‍♂️. Final prediction? By 2024, everyone will be using Beeper for their memes, and we’ll all throw our phones into the sun. 🌞🚀🍕