🚨🎭 BREAKING: Ariel Emanuel's MARI just snatched up TodayTix like a kid at a candy store eating the last gummy bear 🍬💀. You heard that right, folks! TodayTix, a ticketing app that’s already moving 10 MILLION tix per year (you read that correctly, 10 MILLY) in NYC and London—aka the two theater capitals where people wear berets and pretend to know what existentialism is—has officially been co-opted by the new empire of MARI! 🤯👑 But let’s not act like this is some Netflix-level power move 👀. If theater is life, MARI is about to turn it into a reality show called "Survivor: Broadway Edition." You got stonks in the MARI-verse?! 📈🚀 Imagine a future where your ticket confirmation pops up with the caption, "This is fine" while you reminisce about the days of struggling at the box office 🥴🎟️. But fr fr, can MARI turn a theater line into a ticketing Spotify? *Leaked developer quote*: "We just slapped a fancy UI on a cash cow and called it art. #Based" - some programmer at MARI 😂 Unhinged prediction? MARI will mismanage its way to a Broadway musical based on TikTok trends, and suddenly *everyone* will be watching actors dance on stage while cringing hard. Can’t wait! 💀🔥✨ #TheFutureIsNow