🚨🔥 BREAKING NEWS: Apple’s Services Unit just hit the $100 BILLION club and it’s about to flex harder than your gym bro’s biceps on leg day! 💪💰💀 Apple is like that friend who keeps leveling up while the rest of us are still trying to figure out how to turn on our phones. 🤦‍♂️📱 According to some reliable sources *cough cough, sorry, it was Visible Alpha* — Apple is poised to rake in $108.6B by September and THAT, my friends, is a 13% YOY glow-up!! 🎉💸 If you thought they were done milking the cow, NOPE! 🐄🚀 This is Apple’s version of the Drake meme — "I will NOT stop charging you $1.99 for that app you never use!" 🤑🔄 Imaginary Developer #1: "Whoa, maybe we should put a touchscreen on a toaster next?" Imaginary Developer #2: "Nah, let's just keep charging for iCloud storage." 🤡🤖 This high-margin cash machine has DOUBLED in size over five years, while we're all just out here trying to dodge 'subscription fatigue' like it's a dodgy relationship. 😅💔😬 Here’s my unhinged hot take: in five years, Apple will INTRODUCE an invisibility cloak for subscriptions! Take my money, Apple! *Cue motley crew of Android users seething* 🤯💀🔥 #Stonks #ThisIsFine #AppleGoBrrr