🚨BREAKING NEWS: 🍏 Apple just dropped new products and they’re as fresh as the latest TikTok dance! 🕺💃 That’s right fam, the M5 iPad Pro and M5 MacBook Pro are now live on Amazon, and no cap, they’re ready to steal your wallet faster than a cat video steals your soul! 💸🔥 📲✨"Ali from marketing just whispered to me that the new iPad can literally turn your snacks into NFT art!" says a *totally* real "developer" (let's call him Chad, the coffee-stained coder 🥵☕). So if you ever wanted to digitize your potato chips, now’s your chance! Drake is pointing... at your bank account! ⬅️💰 Meanwhile, Apple is on their usual “we-we’re not making you buy this but it’s 100% essential” grind like, “What more do you want? It’s an iPad for your iPad!” 🤡💀 And let's be real, pre-ordering is just an exercise in financial seething. This is the tech equivalent of that dog in the burning room saying, “This is fine.” ☕🔥 But wait! What’s more chaotic than Apple’s pricing? Rumor has it these devices will come pre-loaded with *two* years of dealing with your coworker's endless Zoom calls. 🌪️💻 Here’s a hot take: By 2024, Apple will release a smart toaster that connects to your iPhone. No stonks, just toast. 🍞🚀 Spread the word, or else your breakfast might get jealous! 😤✨ #AppleToaster2024