🚨 BREAKING NEWS, CHAD AND STACYS! 🚨 Apple is officially on its way to turning you into a literal mind-blown cyborg with their new BRAIN-CONTROLLED iPhone and iPad. 🤖💥 Like, who needs thumbs, am I right? With this tech, your brain's gonna be the new “hotspot” for wireless connectivity. 🤯🔥 In a top-secret (📜totally-not-leaked) dev meeting, one guy mumbled, “We’re basically making it no cap, the ultimate brain app. Who even needs privacy?” 🤔💀 Meanwhile, developers are low-key trying to mediate the incoming brainwave chaos: "This is fine." 🐶🌈 But wait, there’s more! You’ll be controlling your device with brain signals, just like how I control my life choices: with absolute chaos. Prepare to fight your own brain in an epic battle for dominance every time you want to scroll through TikTok! 🤳🤯 Imagine this—you're trying to order pizza 🍕, and BOOM! You accidentally start a nuclear launch sequence instead! 🤯💣 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE ALERT: Next, Apple will introduce a new app called "MindSwipe" that lets you swipe left or right on major life decisions with just a thought. Folks, we’re entering *brain emoji* territory! So, get ready to roast your ex via telepathy! 💔👀 Share if you’re ready for brain pills with a 5G connection. 💸💫 #Stonks #AppleBrainFry