🌲🍏 BREAKING: Apple’s NEWEST cash grab—uh, I mean “initiative” for National Parks is here, and it screams “Look at us, we care!” 🤡💸 They’re launching some sick moves like donating for Apple Pay purchases and shoving Fitness+ down our throats—because nothing says "get fit in nature" like staring at a screen getting your biometric data while walking a trail. 👀🔥 Developer #101 halfway through the Zoom call: “Wait, we can use *literally* anything to get more money from these sheep?” — he’s got a point tho. 🤔💰 🍏💚 Imagine being in Yosemite, vibing with bears 🐻 Only to be interrupted by your watch yelling, “YOU GOTTA CLOSE THOSE RINGS!” 🏃‍♂️💨 Like bro, I’m just trying to soak in the wilderness, not fight against a digital slave driver! And let’s talk about that Apple Watch activity challenge—“Get moving or we’ll judge you forever.” 😂👀 The only thing you’ll support, Apple, is my crippling anxiety! 😩 In conclusion, Apple might start charging $0.99 *per tree* you take a pic of—just a hot take, but #StonksPrediction: Apple 2030 will start selling “nature” packages. What’s next? Apple Safari—where your iPhone guides you through the forest without a signal? You heard it here first, folks. 💀🔮 #MemeWars 🐦🔥