🚀🔥 BREAKING: THE APPLE "AWE-DROPPING" EVENT IS HAPPENING TODAY AND WE'VE GOT THE TEA ☕🤑 So, buckle up, fam! At 1PM ET, the tech overlords at Apple are ready to hit us with the iPhone 17 lineup—a phone so thin, you might as well call it the "iPhone Air" 🤡💨. Like, you thought your wallet was thin? 😂💀 But hold up! It's not just about the iPhone. 😱📱 Brace yourselves for new Apple Watch models, including a new Ultra that's been hibernating since 2021, and maybe—just MAYBE—AirPods Pro 3. Can we get a *finally?!* 🙏💔 📣 “The iPhone 17 will turn into a paperweight if you accidentally drop it” said an anonymous Apple dev as he slowly sipped his overpriced artisan coffee ☕. *Cringe alert!* 🤦‍♂️ You bet Engadget will be liveblogging all this madness, with the team serving up hot takes while we all refresh like it’s the 2nd coming of Steve Jobs (RIP, king 👑). Imagine the battery life of the new iPhone being worse than your dating life 💔🔋. Definitely gonna be fine! (insert meme of that dog in a burning room). Hot take: By next year, Apple will just release a phone with *no phone* capabilities, and we’ll all buy it. Stonks. 💰🚀 Boomers will still think it's legendary! Don’t sleep on this chaos, share it like you share your Netflix password! 🛌💤✨