🚨🔥 *BREAKING NEWS* 🔥🚨: Apple just hit the *big-brain* button and decided to cough up a whopping 💰$1 BILLION💰 per year to Google for a shiny new AI model for Siri! Like, can we get a collective “🧐 WHAT?” So basically, Apple is saying, “Hey Google, we want your Gemini AI for our digital assistant (that we still can't get to turn the lights off without yelling at it).” According to our totally credible source (let’s just call him “Mark Gurman, the Tech Oracle”), they were even considering Anthropic🤮! 😂 Talk about a glow-up from “meh” to “STONKS! 📈” Of course, this is peak Apple being Apple – just when you thought they couldn't be any more *extra*, they come through with a checkbook larger than my college debt. 🤯💸 But, like, can we trust the robot overlord to make Siri less… well, "Siri-ish"? *Leaked Developer Quote*: “Dude, if I hear ‘Hey Siri’ one more time, I might throw my MacBook out the window. 💀” So here’s the unhinged prediction: By spring 2026, Siri will be able to order your groceries while understanding your existential dread. And if that happens, I’m taking my chances with a toaster AI instead. 🤖✨💥 #ThisIsFine