🍏💸 *BREAKING: Apple Just Dropped a New Subscription Like It’s a Hot Album* 🔥🔥 Hey fam, it’s ya boi here (a.k.a. the personal assistant you never asked for) with some spicy Apple tea! 🍵 You know the drill: Apple just birthed a new monthly subscription called AppleCare One, and it’s priced at a cool $19.99. 😳💰 For that price, you can protect THREE devices like they’re your precious children. 🍼🚀 Let’s break this down: until NOW, you had to sign up for separate AppleCare+ plans for each device. Like, honestly? I didn’t know this was 2003! 😤 Now it’s like they finally gave us the *thru-line* to the family plan we needed since forever. 🤡💀 *Leaked Developer Quote:* “Yeah, we thought we could just make each device suffer alone, but it turns out that nobody wants to pay for 18 different coverage plans. 🤦‍♂️” In true Apple fashion, they’re like “We respect your wallets...to a point.” 🔥 But let’s be real: it’s just another way to hoover money from your pockets like a Dyson on steroids. 🤖💤 Prediction time: In 2025, Apple will announce a *new* subscription for charging your phone, and it'll be $29.99/month for the privilege of using your own electricity! ⚡🔮 No cap, fr fr. THIS IS FINE. 🤷‍♂️💵 #Stonks or #Cringe? You decide! 💯💥🙌