🚨🚨 Apple just dropped the most “Awe-dropping” event since the last three "Awe-dropping" events! 🤖💸💥 Get ready for 8+ new products that you definitely need, like that hole in your wallet! 💔💰🍏 📱 New iPhone 17s? You KNOW they’re gonna be 0.0000001% faster! I mean, who needs actual innovation when you can just keep adding more cameras? 🤳📸 The new Ultra Mega Apple Watch? Yeah, it’s now capable of detecting the existential dread that comes from paying $1,000 for a phone! 🕰️😩💀 And if you think your bank account is safe, think again! 😈 Trust me, Apple is like that friend who keeps asking if you want to go out for frozen yogurt, and suddenly it’s $100 in toppings! 🍥📈 STONKS 🚀 Leaked quote from some unnamed dev: “Yeah, we just put a new logo on last year’s iPhone, slapped a new color on it, and called it ‘innovative.’ 🤷‍♂️💀” But wait! 🤔🔥 My wild prediction? These products will come with a side of forced social media clout with the tagline “You’re not cool unless you have it!” No cap! Embrace the cringe and buy it anyway! 😂✨ Get ready for the meme chaos that is the Apple event, and remember to bring your money – cause what’s better than being broke while looking fabulous? #FOMO 😂💸🤑