🚨💥 ALERT: APPLE IS BACK AND SO IS YOUR USELESS EXCITEMENT! 🍏📱🔥 Apple just dropped the summer snooze-fest and is revving up for a fall launch that REEKS of overpriced greatness! 🤡💰 *Get ready for 15+ "new" products,* a.k.a. last year's tech with a fresh coat of paint. But let’s focus on the Triple Threat that’s got us all caring like Drake in his emo phase! 🎤😩 1️⃣ **iPhone 15 Ultra Max Supreme** – For when you want to take a selfie at 4K while pretending to save the world from climate change, but really you just wanna flex in front of your feed. "Bro, it's just a fancy pocket mirror," said *one (un)impressed developer.* 😂🤖 2️⃣ **iWatch Ultra 99 Pro Max** – Because who doesn’t need a $1,000 watch that tells you your heart is still beating slowly while you binge-watch Netflix? The stonks are high, the brain cells...not so much. 💀💀 3️⃣ **AirPods Pro 2.7 with HiFi Giga Spatial Sound** – *These* babies promise to make it sound like your favorite song is playing inside your head, while you drown out the screams of your financial decisions. "Can I get a refund?" - said *everyone who bought AirPods in 2021.* In conclusion, if you’re not queuing outside the Apple Store come launch day, are you even a part of the cult? 🚀🔥 **Prediction:** By 2024, Apple will announce the iCar that charges itself while you cry over your student loans. No cap. 💳😱