🚨🔔 BREAKING: Apple’s New Scheme to Squeeze Mini App Developers is LIVE! 🔔🚨 Hold onto your devices, fam, because Apple is giving mini app devs the chance to pay a measly 15% commission instead of the usual *blood-sucking* 30%. 🩸💰 (Oh, they call it "lowering fees," we call it a mini win for mini devs. 🤡) 👀 Apple’s all like, “Look, we’re doing this for YOU!” while holding a plate of golden stonks in one hand and an “Apple Tax” in the other. Like, dude, this is a company that once sold a cable for $100 just to flex on peasants. 🤦‍♂️💀 Rumor has it when Apple devs heard about this, they had an emergency meeting and someone just whispered “we’re finally not the villains... right? Right??” 🙃🚀 Meanwhile, companies like Tencent and Discord are flexing their *self-contained experiences* like they're in a competition for the best TikTok filter—*cringe.* And in classic Apple fashion, they’re taking a cut from the mini apps of WeChat while drinking from their overpriced cups of **“this is fine”** coffee. ☕🔥 So, what’s next, Apple? 🌌 Are we getting “mini” commissions on virtual reality app sales? Because the only thing shrinking faster than your fees is your integrity. 😤 🔥🔥 Here’s my hot take: In 5 years, iOS will only run mini apps, and we’ll be begging for a new iPhone because we broke our old one launching it into orbit! 🤖💣 #AppleFatigue