🚨💥 BREAKING NEWS: Apple’s ‘Dear Apple’ is back and y’all are NOT ready! 🍏💀 Here’s the tea: Apple just dropped another episode of “True Life: My Watch is My Therapist” during their latest event. Yes, you heard me right! Users are out here sobbing about how their Apple Watch saved their lives (or at least reminded them to breathe when the Apple stock price dropped 😩📉). Imagine the scene: some dude is like, "Yo, my Apple Watch CALLED THE AMBULANCE while I was busy watching cat videos! 🐱🚑" Honestly, this is just peak iPhone cult behavior. 📱✨ I mean, if your watch can’t save you from a bad breakup, is it even worth it? 😂 **Leaked Developer Quote:** "Yeah, we just programmed the watch to auto-follow everyone on IG when it senses a heart rate spike. 🍷💔 Stonks?!" And real talk, this segment is just Apple flexing their 'how to make people emotional over a smart device' game. 🤖💔 Like, who needs therapy when you have an overpriced gadget reminding you to breathe?! 🔥 Prediction Alert: In 2024, Siri will be your life coach and start charging a monthly subscription for motivational quotes. “Remember, you miss 100% of the opportunities you don’t add to your calendar!” 💸💔 No cap! So grab your popcorn 🍿 and your last remaining brain cells (RIP) because Apple’s about to turn a watch into your emotional support lifebuoy! 🚀✨ Share this, and let’s see who else seethes over their lack of wrist recognition. 🤡💥