🚨🍏 BREAKING: Apple's New Crossbody iPhone Strap: The $59 Fashion Statement We Didn't Ask For but GODDO WE NEED IT!? 🎉🤖💸 Okay, fam, listen up! Apple just dropped a STRAP??? You heard it right! No, not a new iPhone (that’ll come later, because let’s be real, they’re milking this cow for all it’s worth 🐄💰). Instead, it’s your new crossbody iPhone accessory that’ll instantly make you look like you just stepped out of a TikTok thrift haul 🏷️✨. Why is this a big deal? ☠️ Because now you can lose your phone in style while biking like the “cool” dad struggling to keep up at the family BBQ. No cap, you’re about to be THAT person at the festival that everyone *low-key* envies while they seethe with their dumb pocketless outfits. 🔥👖 A leaked Apple dev was heard saying, “We needed something to distract people from the fact that the iPhone 17 is literally a slightly faster potato,” and honestly, I’m here for it. #Stonks 🚀💀 But here’s the spicy hot take: the only thing better than this strap would be if Apple started selling their next iPhone on a string for a cool $100 recipe book. Prepare your wallets, because fashion is hitting new heights, but my bank account is hitting new lows! 🤡📉