🚨🎉 Hold onto your chargers, fam! Apple is back with ANOTHER shiny slab of overpriced metal we didn't ask for — the iPhone 17. But wait, there’s more! Instead of just shoving it down our throats via overpriced ads, they’re EXPANDING their reach. Yes, you heard it right! 🤡🔥 Just imagine Tim Cook strutting into a room, throwing down a mic and saying, “I’m here to steal your wallet AGAIN!” 💸✋ Drake points at the iPhone 17 like he’s saying “Wait, why you still using that dinosaur phone?” 😂🤖 Sources say Apple’s new “reach” strategy includes sending telepathic notifications to your brain 🧠💫 or maybe just a TikTok ad that makes you question your life choices. An anonymous dev was overheard saying, "We decided to market the iPhone literally *everywhere*. Grocery stores, church, even therapy sessions. Just give us your money!" 👀💰 So, fellow tech tragic, are you ready to sell your kidney for the iPhone 17? Or does the thought of yet another upgrade leave you scrolling through memes in despair? 😱🤷‍♂️ 🔥💀 Hot take: If Apple doesn't launch a phone that can teleport you to the future by iPhone 18, I'm officially starting the "Burn the Apple HQ" movement. Coping? No, we seethe! 😤🔥