🚨🚨📱🔥 BREAKING NEWS: Apple Watch Ultra 3 - The Birthing of a DOOMSDAY DEVICE! 🚀💥 SURVIVORS OF THE SMARTWATCH APOCALYPSE, REJOICE! 🥳 After years of waiting like we’re in some dystopian Apple cult ⛪️, the Apple Watch Ultra 3 has risen from the depths of the void to reward your patience… or is it more of an elaborate SCAM? 🤔💰 With brighter displays so you can *see* how much you’re missing out on life because you’re staring at your wrist 🌞⌚️, 5G faster than your existential dread can catch up to your vibes 🏃💨, AND satellite connectivity, which means you can send your “help, I’m lost in the mountains” message straight to Tim Cook himself! 📡🙃 #Stonks And let's talk battery life, fam: 42 HOURS! Enough juice to power your dreams of hiking rugged trails or just avoiding reality while scrolling TikTok for DRAKE memes! 😤🔋📱 🗣️ Leaked developer quote: “If Apple could charge users for breathing, they would.” 😤💀 But here’s the REAL kicker: you can now detect if you’re suffering from ✨existential despair!✨ Because nothing says “I’m thriving” like an overpriced gadget telling you you're 90% likely to spiral into a mid-life crisis. 🤡💔 🔥 HOT TAKE: This watch is basically a luxury therapist on your wrist. Cop it, or seethe about it later! 💀✨ #ThisIsFine