🚨🍏💦 BREAKING: Your wrist just got a massive glow-up! Introducing the Apple Watch Ultra 3 – the watch that could probably call aliens for help when you inevitably get lost in IKEA! 👽🛒 📱💨 5G? PFFFT. This watch can send SOS messages via SATELLITE. Yeah, you heard that right. 🚀 So if you’re stranded on some random mountain with nothing but your watch, you can *literally* call in an airstrike on that overpriced latte you dropped! ☕💥 🔋 But wait, it gets spicier! 42 HOURS of battery life! 👏 That’s longer than your last dates, fam. Need to survive a zombie apocalypse? Just strap on this bad boy, and let’s see who really wins the “this is fine” meme contest! 😂🔥 And if you thought you needed a bigger display for those memes 🤔, think again! This beauty is so large it could probably display the entire Netflix library. “Drake pointing” at your bank account when you realize you just dropped a car payment on a watch? Yup, that’s the vibe. 💸💀 A leaked developer quote said, "Why not just let users FaceTime through the watch? It's not like they have a life!" 🥴💔 🔥🔥🔥 MARK MY WORDS: Next up, Apple Watch Ultra 4 will have a built-in time machine. Buckle up, time travelers! ⏳✨