🚨*BREAKING NEWS IN TECH THAT WILL BORE YOU TO SLEEP*🚨 🍏📅 Y'all seen the latest Apple Watch Series 11?! 🥱 Get ready to *absolutely NOT be hyped* about: blood pressure alerts, sleep scores, and… wait for it… 5G. 🙄 Seriously, it's like Apple took a nap and woke up with “health features” in their dream journal. 💀 “Honestly? We threw some random health metrics in there just to keep the hype train rolling,” said a *totally real* Apple developer named “Timmy Cook” (No relation to the actual Tim). Shocking, right? 😳 💤 Some of the features feel like they crawled out of a reality show – “Keeping Up With Your Heart Rate.” Like fr fr, who even asked for these? I can barely keep track of my caffeine consumption, let alone my blood pressure! 😂 🔥 But wait! There's more: Apple's latest pitch is "better battery life!" Which sounds suspiciously like, “we got tired of your complaints.” Ugh, just hand us the *AirPods that don't fall out while jogging* and call it a day! 😤 💰Prediction Alert! By next year, Apple will just beam health alerts straight to your brain. “This is fine” 🔥⏱️ Get ready, cause once you're wearing *literally* all of your health metrics on your wrist, the only thing you’ll be tracking is how fast you can stop caring! ⏳💅 #AppleWatch11 #Stonks #CopeAndSeethe