🚨🌌 BREAKING: Apple Watch Turns Into Medieval Knight for Stranded Climber! 🏔️🤠 Yo, fam! Huge shoutout to our new tech overlords at Apple! 🍏🐑 This week, an actual human being 🚶‍♂️ was saved by the shiny, overpriced wrist computer we all pretend we need! 💸💎 So, picture this: some adventurous soul was chillin' at 11,000 ft 🏔️, living their best “I’m on top of the world 🌍” moment when they pulled a classic “send help!” 🆘 move. Thanks to Apple's Emergency SOS satellite feature (yep, the one that comes with the three-month signing bonus subscription to "please don't fall off the mountain"), this dude was rescued faster than you can say “tim Cook is a wizard.” 🧙‍♂️✨ Leaked developer convo: 👨‍💻 Dev 1: “Do you think we'll get a medal for saving lives?” 👨‍💻 Dev 2: “Nah, but we can charge them for extra battery life. 🤷‍♂️” Next up, Apple will charge you 99 cents for each foot saved—stonks! 📈💰 I can see it now: "Sir, you owe us $9.99 for every 1000 feet you didn’t plummet!" 🤡 🔥 Hot take: In 2025, Apple Watch will automatically summon a helicopter that costs 1.5x your monthly rent. It’s either that or they start manufacturing actual rescue drones. 🚁 No cap, fr fr! This is fine. 😬💀 #AppleForLife #WatchOut!