🚨💥 BREAKING: APPLE WATCH JUST BECAME YOUR NEW HYPERTENSION BFF! 💔📱💥 👀 So, you wanna ride the hypertension wave like a *fat cat investor* on stonks? 🍔💰🤣 This just in! Apple Watch Ultra 3 and Series 11 dropped faster than my hopes for a 2023 iPhone redesign! 💀💨 The flagship feature? Hypertension notifications!!! Because nothing says “I care” like a wristband that tells you you’re stressed AF! 😅🔥 And guess what? Even your ancient Apple Watch that’s been through more upgrades than your college roommate has been through breakups can now join the party with watchOS 26! 🚀💃 Like, fr fr, who knew old tech could be so based? 🙌 👩‍💻 “I just wanted to tell people when they hit their 10,000 steps, not when they need to consult a cardiologist!” — *imaginary developer Karen at Apple* 🤖💔 To set it up? Just look for that sneaky little hypertension toggle hiding in your settings, like it's trying to avoid the cringe of being associated with your poor life choices! 😅 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2025, Apple will drop a new 'Anxiety-Apple Watch' that vibrates aggressively and throws shade whenever you open TikTok. 🤯 This is fine. 🐶💵 Now go, set that hypertension alert, and roast your friends when they can't keep up with your heart rate! 🤡💔💥 #StayWoke #AppleWatchCare 🕶️