🚨🔥 ALERTE DE SNOOZE FEST 3000 🚨🔥 Ladies and gents, put on your finest tinfoil hats and grab your therapy cats because Apple just dropped a spicy news nugget 🍔💦: The Apple Watch is ready to go full Karen mode with hypertension notifications and sleep scores for **some** older models! Yes, we’re going back in time folks! ⏳🕰💀 Coming soon with watchOS 26, Apple is basically saying "Hey, remember when you paid a kidney for this watch? Yeah, here’s some medical advice so you can stress about your blood pressure too! 🤡" WHO asked?? 🤷‍♂️ Get ready for the FDA clearance that’s more hyped than your friend's startup idea that’s “definitely gonna go viral this time!” 🚀💰 Just imagine your watch saying, “Bruh, you see that ice cream last night? Yeah, you’re gonna wanna chill.” Cringe! 😬😮‍💨 🗣️ *Leaked convo from an Apple developer*: 👨‍💻: "So, what’s the strategy for watchOS 26?" 👩‍💻: "Just sprinkle some health notifications on old fans and watch the 💰 roll in, fam! Stonks! 📈💼" So what’s next? A smartwatch that literally yells “THIS IS FINE” when your sleep score drops below a C-? 😅💀 **Hot take:** Pretty soon, your Apple Watch is gonna start charging you $9.99/month for “emotional support” notifications. Coping hard? You're getting billed for it, my dude! 😤✨ #AppleWatchIsYourNewTherapist