🚨🍏🍿 BREAKING NEWS: APPLE TV+ IS SPICY 🔥🔥 (NO CAP!!) 🍏🍿🚨 Hold onto your iPhones, fam! 📱 Apple TV+ just dropped two shows that reviewers are shamelessly simping for harder than they simp for Steve Jobs! 💀✨ We got *Chief of War* — where y’all be constructing STRATEGY like a toddler with LEGO blocks 🚀🧱— and *Platonic*, which sounds like my relationship history. 🤡 Reviewers are like, “OMG, 10/10, would binge again!” And for those still holding your breath for the next Netflix drama, just know—this is the equivalent of watching your neighbor’s dog fetch (adorable, but it ain’t winning any Oscars) 🎬🐶. But for real, Apple’s subscriber base is rising faster than your average stonk in a meme stock rally 📈📈. One leaked developer was overheard lamenting, “We just throw money at everything and they keep watching! It's like a magic trick but with more overpriced subscriptions!” 💰💀 So here’s the tea ☕: Either Apple is gonna take over Hollywood, or we’ll be stuck watching the same two shows on repeat like it’s some 90s sitcom. I can already hear the *Chief of War* fans seething at the haters! 🤖💥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2024, Apple TV+ will release a show about making Apple Pie that will get 5 Emmy nominations. This is fine. 💅🔥