🚨🍏 BREAKING: Apple TV is trying to flex on us with more MOVIES than just overpriced documentaries about old fruit 🍏🎬. 😳💸 This new lineup is so stacked, it makes my mom’s lasagna look like a microwave dinner. 🤤 📺 So, here’s the tea, fam: We’re getting some top-tier flicks alongside the classic *Severance* (which is basically office workers having existential crises - relatable, right?) and the *Pluribus* series where I’m assuming we finally find out how many issues I have. 💀 🔍 Here’s what’s dropping next: - Universal cringe-fest “The Invisible Guy Who Won’t Text Back” (starring your last Tinder date) 🤡 - “Murder at the Office” - because nothing says workplace bonding like a little crime scene investigation 🔪😂 👀 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We just want to distract you from our failed hardware launches. Plus, who can buy new iPhones when they can binge-watch instead?” 🤖💬 🍿 So, what’s the prediction, you ask? Next year Apple will announce a movie theater chain: 🍏🍿 *Apple Cinema - where the movie is never available at the right time because of our scheduling algorithm.* 🚀💥 Brace yourselves, folks. 🤑💰 #Stonks going up though! This is fine.