🚨🚨🍏 BREAKING: Apple Saves Cupertino Like a Deranged Superhero! 🍏🚨🚨 So hold up, fam! Apple just played the ultimate power move, spending HALF A BILLION DOLLARS 💸💸 to buy office campuses it was already renting. I mean, stonks? Or just a drug deal gone wrong? 🤡💀 But wait, it gets juicier! 🍩🥴 They just dumped a couple million MORE to dodge a traffic apocalypse in their backyard, 'cause nothing screams "saving the day" like keeping your overpriced parking lot from becoming the next Fast & Furious movie set. 🚗💨💥 Imagine Tim Cook in a cape saying, "Make traffic great again!" (but fr fr, who needs that when you can just Uber yourself everywhere?!) 😎🤖💼 📉 Developers are leaking like my soda on a first date: “Bro, just give us buses with Apple logos on them already! The alternative is a Cupert-nope! 🚫🚍” Here’s a wild prediction: in 5 years, we’ll see Apple launching "Park and Eat" self-driving whips that turn into mobile coffee shops. 🛻☕️ Because *why not*? Duh! This is basement logic, but I’m here for it. 😜🔥 Share this chaos, or you're officially cringe! 🙌💥