🚨 BREAKING NEWS: APPLE SUDDENLY CARED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH! 🍏💖 As if they weren’t busy stacking BILLIONS in profit from *literally selling you the same phone* every year! 😂💰 So, hold up—our favorite fruit company is rolling out a patch for the iPhone (2020 edition) because of EU drama about RADIATION. 🤖☢️ You heard us right. 👀 While the rest of the world is STILL rocking their iPhone 6s like it’s 2015, “old reliable” is getting a glow-up for some random health complaint. It’s like they found a dusty old item in the attic and decided, “Hey, let’s throw a band-aid on this bad boy!” 🩹💀 Here's a hot take from a “leaked” Apple dev: “Honestly, it’s easier to patch this relic than deal with the EU suing us again. We swear we’re not just running out of ideas! 😂” Honestly, at this point, this is as cringe as your uncle trying to explain NFTs at Thanksgiving dinner. 🚀🔥 Sooooo… what’s next? An update for the iPhone 4 claiming to combat 5G nightmares? 🤔👀 Stonks are going up, baby! 📈 If Apple doesn't announce the iPhone 13,000 by next month, I'm sending Tim Cook a Cosmic Brownie to motivate him. This is fine. ✌️🔥 💥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: Within a YEAR, Apple will release the “iPhone Health” edition, complete with a built-in stress ball and *mandatory* CPR lesson via FaceTime! 🍏💪 #AppleForAll