🚨💿 ALERT! CRINGE-A-PALOOZA ON REDDIT! 🥴🔥 Get ready folks, because Adam Silver, the Apple Music overlord (no, not the basketball guy 🏀💀), is apparently gonna hold a Reddit AMA! Yes, you heard that right, he’s coming to spill the tea on the features no one asked for! 🍵📆 You’ll get to hear all about that new “auto-play on drunk mode” feature that literally everyone forgot existed, right after you jack your vibe with the latest “essential” playlist of 2017’s greatest hits 🚀. You know, the one that *might* play “Despacito” for the millionth time? This is fine. 🤡 “Honestly, we just want to keep users trapped in a loop of nostalgia,” Adam said, probably while sipping a coconut latte and crying. “Stonks, right?” 💰💀 Drake’s gonna be like: “NOPE” 👎, but Apple’s just gonna keep tacking on those subscription fees, fam. It’s all based on one thing: give us your money, then enjoy those “exclusive” remixes you didn’t even ask for! 😂💀 🔥🔥 UNHINGED HOT TAKE: In 2030, Apple Music will only play older music and charge you premium stonks to unlock the *future* which is just an 8-hour loop of whale sounds. Mark my words! 🐋💯 #Shooketh