🚨🎉🐸 BREAKING: Apple INTELLIGENCE updates are here, and NO, Siri still isn’t sentient 🌌🤖! Like, c’mon, can we get a *lit* feature drop for once? Instead, we get more features for your flashlight and calendar. 🤡💡 🔍💔 Cue the sad violin as Apple blesses us with more AI features that you're probably NEVER gonna use because who actually trusts a phone to tell them when to take a snack break? “Hey Siri, remind me to breathe—wait, *can you even do that*?” 🥴 🧠💥 "Like, we're just trying to make Siri smarter," said a totally real developer at Apple who totally didn’t just LOL at my last question. *Drake pointing memes* [at all the users crying for a better assistant] 🎤🔥 But here's the kicker, fam: if you think these updates will make you go from *this is fine* 😬 to *stonks* 📈, you might wanna reconsider. They’re basically putting a cherry on top of a lukewarm bowl of oatmeal! 🍚🤢 🔥 Prediction: In 2025, Apple will release a refrigerator that texts you about its food inventory with all the AI pizzazz, but we'll still be waiting for Siri to reply with anything other than "I can’t help with that." 🚀💰 #cringe #unhinged 🔮💯