📱💥 *BREAKING NEWS, TECH ZOMBIES!* 💥📱 So, Apple’s just dropped the iPhone 17 Pro, and let me tell you, this beast has more battery than your ex’s excuses for ghosting you. 🔋💀 That’s right! We’re talking about a battery so big it could probably power a small village 🚀. Like, if you plug it in, you might single-handedly solve global energy crisis issues, no cap! 😱🌍 Dominic from The Verge said it’s the “biggest battery” in iPhone history, but lemme hit you with the real tea: Is it a battery or a nuclear power plant? 🤔💡 And you KNOW these phones will STILL die while you're on FaceTime with your mom. 🙄💔 *Eli, Apple Dev:* “Yeah, we just filled it with more battery, but my boss says it’s still not enough for the overpriced therapy after they raise the price AGAIN this year.” 💰🤡 So, get ready for Apple to sell you a new case designed to carry your new brick-sized phone. This is fine. 🔥 (cue meme). Here’s the hot take: By 2030, your phone *WILL* have enough power to send someone to Mars — just kidding! It’ll still be dying faster than your New Year's resolutions. Stonks 🥳⬆️💀! Hit me with your best roast, fam! 💥🔥