🚨🎉 BREAKING NEWS: Apple just dropped a new warranty plan and it's more basic than your friend's startup idea!!! 💀💰 Introducing: *AppleCare One* – the love child of Wi-Fi fees and that one ex you can’t escape. It’s like they looked at your life choices and said, "Here, pay us $20 a month to cover three of your overpriced gadgets because we know you have commitment issues." 🤑👀 That’s THREE devices! What’s next? A warranty for your emotional support blender? 💔🤖 Oof, imagine calling Apple support while your AirPods are caught in a tragic love triangle with your lost keys and the 57 cents in your pocket. #FML 💼 Leaked dev quote: “Honestly, we just wanted to see how far we could stretch the term 'one size fits all.' Spoiler: it doesn’t.” - Anonymous Apple Engineer 🍏🤡 And just when you thought they couldn’t get any more premium 😂, they did. Calling this a "subscription" is like calling your $900 MacBook a “budget option.” *My hot take?* Apple is gonna drop the *iWarranty* next, a subscription where you just pay to *think* about keeping your stuff safe! 🚀💥 And if you think that’s wild, just wait until they charge you for the air you breathe while using your devices. Stonks? More like *PUNKS*! #ThisIsFine 🤣🔥 Share this with your squad before Apple makes your devices subscription-only!