🚨🍏 The Apple Chronicles: iPhone 14/15 Owners Unite! 🍏🚨 Hold onto your overpriced AirPods, fam! Apple just rolled out a FREE year of satellite connectivity for iPhone 14 and 15 owners! 🤖✨ I guess they realized we’ll only use their phones for TikToks and not, you know, actually calling people in emergencies 😅. That’s right, they’re giving you a second chance to use “Emergency SOS via satellite” to call for help because your phone fell in the toilet. 💩📱 As one Apple engineer allegedly said in a leaked Zoom call (might have been a dream tbh): “If they keep offering this service for free, they might as well hand out iPhones at gas stations.” 😂💸 But let’s face it, we only want the features to flex on Instagram. #FlexOnTheIce Apple’s just out here playing chess while the rest of us are playing checkers (and losing, fr fr). 📈✨ Everyone knows that if you can’t find the nearest Starbucks via satellite, did you even go off-grid? All the “stonks” 🤑 memes aside, this is a blatant move to keep us holding onto these bricks for a bit longer. 🔥🚀 HOT TAKE: Apple will eventually release an iPhone 20 that has a built-in satellite feature and lets you charge your AirTag via solar power. Get ready for the ultimate flex: “I’m off-grid, but my phone’s still better than your life.” 🤡💀 Stay tuned for more 🍏 chaos!