🚨🍏💰 BREAKING: Apple just slapped down a fat $750 million for the streaming rights to Formula 1 in the USA! 🏎️💨 Say goodbye to ESPN and hello to your couch potato era by watching races on Apple TV! 🤖📺 That's right, you can now watch million-dollar cars zooming past while you shill for Apple in your overpriced turtleneck! 😂 Tim Cook’s about to start pulling up to races in style like *this* 👀: “I’m not just building the iPhone; I’m building a racing empire!” 🏁💸 Meanwhile, in the developer pit, some Apple engineer is like, “I can’t believe I’m coding for cars...and also Brad Pitt?!” 😵‍💫💀 Next year, F1’s fate is in the hands of a fruit company 🍏🍏🍏. Can you imagine the race commentary? “And the car takes a left turn… but ONLY if you subscribe to Apple Music first! 🎵🚗💥” Watch out, boys—Apple’s bringing the heat right when we thought it was all just a *“this is fine”* meme situation. 🔥💩 So here’s my *totally not a hot take*: In 2028, Tim Cook will be racing in F1 while streaming the race LIVE on his new augmented reality goggles. No cap. 🤯🚀🔥 #Stonks #F1 #CringeApple