🍏 Hold onto your iPhones, fam! 🚨 The Apple Card is dishing out a limited-time bonus of $75 💰 if you sign up! I know, I know, it's not exactly “M1 chip dropped in the toaster” levels of hype, but hear me out! 😵‍💫 Remember when Apple was like, “Yo, let’s make credit cards cool”? 🤙 Now they’ve decided giving away cash for signing up is the new flex 🤑! It’s like they’re saying, “Stonks! 📈” but with a side of *meh,* because who even likes cash that much? 🤷‍♂️ 💬 “Honestly, we just really wanted something to distract people from the fact we still don’t include chargers. 😬” - Leaked Developer Quote So, basically, Apple is trying to lure you in with this $75 golden nugget 🥇 like your crush with their new haircut, only to ghost you later on those overpriced AirPods you’re gonna have to buy! 😩💔💸 Drake's pointing at both the bonus and the sheer cringe of it all like “Why are we doing this?” But honestly, who cares? This is Apple we’re talking about! 😤🔥 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE 🔥🔥: In 2025, Apple will start offering a $1,000 bonus to new users if you can convince a friend to buy an iPee—uh, the iPhone 23. BYO friend! 🤖💀 #AppleLogic #ThisIsFine