🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS, FELLOW TECH NERDS! 🚨🚨 Apple Fitness Plus just dropped a collab with Ozempic and I am HERE for the absolute chaos! 🌪️✨ If you’re a FuturHealth member, you’re now getting a FREE handout to Apple Fitness Plus like it’s Halloween and the tech gods just blessed you with digital candy 🍬👻. But let’s break it down: Apple is officially marking its territory in the weight-loss game. Forget gym rats; it’s all about the Pharma fam! 💉💪 Forget “this is fine” when you can work out to your cute lil’ heart’s content while also knowing you’re on that GLP-1 agonist grind! Yup, we’re just one step away from “Apple Fitness Plus: The Ozempic Edition” where every squat is like a rocket launch 🚀🚀. And let’s not ignore the partnership with Valisure. They’re out here giving tech the health stamp of approval 🦺. Quick peek at a leaked convo: **Imaginary Developer 1:** “Is this what we’ve sunk to? Offering fitness tips with a side of insulin resistance?” 🧐 **Imaginary Developer 2:** “Shh! Let them believe they can outrun their last slice of pizza while swiping for memes on Apple Fitness." 😂 Honestly, if you’re not using an Apple watch to monitor your Ozempic-fueled workouts whilst posting TikToks of you crushing it, are you even living? 😂🔥 🔥 HOT TAKE: In the near future, Apple is gonna drop a workout called "The Ozempic Shuffle" where you just dance off the calories while calling your dietitian! Stonks UP! 💰📈💀 #GetFitOrDie trying!