🚨💥BREAKING NEWS: Apple is reaching into the age bell jar and throwing a PARTY! 🎉🍏 Forget the "kiddie" pool; they're taking the App Store to a whole new level with age ratings for 13+, 16+, and even 18+! Like, do I need a permission slip to download a game now? 📜❌ Leaked convo from an anonymous "Apple insider" 🤫: 🧙‍♂️: "So we added 16+ ratings." 👾: "Cool, are we getting rid of Candy Crush?" 🧙‍♂️: "Nah, we just want kids to know that being a full-time gem hoarder is a career path. 💎💰" Honestly, this feels like a bold move for a company that’s still trying to figure out how to charge you for an adapter you used to get for free. 💀💸 Like we needed the age rating to remind us that *most* mobile games are just glorified Tinder swipes with a side of cringe! 🤢🔥 But wait, clutch those pearls! With these new ratings, prepare for *actual* stonks! 📈 “Don’t worry, kids! This game has a 13+ rating, so it’s definitely suitable for your delicate sensibilities... unlike your Twitter feed.” 😂🤖 Hot take: In 2025, Apple will release an app that requires a background check for anything over 18+. Apple knows we can't handle our freedoms, so they might as well put everything behind a PayWall of Age. 🙏🚀 Spread the chaos! 🍕💥