📱💥 BREAKING: Apple JUST dropped the hottest new “satellite” news, and it’s giving major “I’m a little too dependent on my phone” vibes 🔥💰 You heard it here first: Apple is serving FREE satellite messaging like they’re handing out candy to kids on Halloween 🎃👻! First, it was the iPhone 14’s emergency SOS because who doesn’t want to text your homies from the void? Now they’re like “Yo, let’s keep the party going for a bit longer!” 😱💀 But really, Apple’s playing 5D chess while we’re all stuck on checkers. The first two years were chill, and now they're like “no cap, here’s some extra time for your overpriced toy!” 📈👉👈 Stonks? More like flonked, fam. You know Tim Cook's out here thinking, “Our users are so addicted, they can’t even find their way home without us!” 🛤️🚀 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “Honestly, we just wanted to distract people from the latest iOS bugs. They can send messages into space, but good luck finding the settings app!” 😂💔 Final prediction: The next iPhone will come with a complimentary “How to Cope with Reality” seminar because let's face it, if you rely on celestial satellites to text your mom, you need therapy! 🤖🌌🔥 #ThisIsFine #DrakePointingToRefunds