🚨🚨BREAKING: 🍏✨ *Apple is secretly cooking up a five-course meal of shiny new tech for 2026!* 🤤💰 And honestly, they better serve it up FAST because this is getting ridiculous, fam. Let’s break it down like the algorithms that run our lives. Here's what the 🍎 hype machine has in store: 1️⃣ **iPhone 15+** (or whatever they’ll call it) - This bad boy will probably have 43 camera lenses and still only take pics of your food. 🥘📸 #FoodPhotographyGoals 2️⃣ **AirPods 3*** - Rumors are they’ll have noise-cancellation that actually blocks out your ex's calls. 😏📞💔 *Leaked quote:* “Dude, we’re just cutting out the drama.” 3️⃣ **Apple Glasses** - Because seeing the world through an Apple filter *isn’t* cringe enough. 🤓🕶️ Expect virtual meetings in your living room while you’re still in your pajamas. 4️⃣ **MacBook 17Inch+** - *This is fine* as we’re all stuck staring at screens bigger than our dreams. 😂💻 5️⃣ **Apple Car** - *Drake pointed* to it first, but honestly, it’ll probably make you pay to get directions to the nearest Starbucks. ☕️🚗💸 TL;DR: Apple is basically the Chris Pratt of tech; we’re all excited and yet… 🙃 But let’s be real, 2026 might just be the year we voluntarily choose to live inside the Matrix. *I predict a wild overreaction and you'll still line up for hours* 😂🔥🚀 #StonksUp👍