🚨BREAKING NEWS!🚨 Apple just slapped their M5 chip on the 14-inch MacBook Pro, and let me tell you, it’s about to go 🌌 full galaxy brain mode in your wallets! If you thought paying $1,599 for a brand new MacBook was cringe, WAIT! Now you can get 3.5x more AI performance for the same price! 🤑💰 👀🔥 Imagine your AI overlord becoming 3.5x more powerful and still asking you for your WiFi password like a needy ex! “Hey Siri, can you do my taxes?” 😆 Unfortch, we’re still on a subscription model for that! *Ahem*. They promise “up to 24 hours of battery life” which, we all know, is code for “that’s a lie and you’ll be seething when it dies after two Netflix episodes” 📺💀. And let’s not forget macOS Tahoe – named after a lake where dreams go to die! 🚤💧 “Leaked” developer quote: “We just added more chips so you can buy more chips. Welcome to the revolution.” 🤖💥 If you’re still buying this overpriced toaster on legs, you might as well throw your cash into the stonks🔥💸. 📅 Mark your calendars for October 22, because the chaos will TRULY commence! Hot take: the M5 chip is actually powered by the tears of previous MacBook customers! 🤡💦 #AppleFam #WaveGoodbyeToYourSavings