🎉🚨 *BREAKING NEWS* 🚨🎉: The US DOJ just dropped the SLEDGEHAMMER 🪓 on Apple’s “Walled Garden” (more like a walled PRISON 🏰) and said, “Nah fam, you can’t just play Monopoly 🤑 with our apps!” 😱💥 US District Judge 👨‍⚖️ Julien Neals was like “Denying your motion? Based. 🤡” because why would we let Apple’s monopoly dreams 💭 stay alive when they’re out here taxing devs harder than the IRS on April 15th? 🤑💸👀 Apple spokesperson: “We’re gonna fight this in court!” 💪💼 Meanwhile, we can practically hear the lawyers writing their ode to denial on an exclusive Apple Notes page. 📝💀 Cope harder, fam! Remember when everyone was like “this is fine”? 🔥🐶 Well, it just got worse! 🔥 The DOJ is here like “STOP USING YOUR walled garden to harvest our precious apps! 🌳🍏” But here's the real kicker 💥🤯: Apple is also battling the EU in a tech turf war! How many lawsuits until Tim Cook literally runs out of legal teams? 🤔🏃‍♂️ My prediction: Apple will soon launch the “iDefender” app to help users shield their wallets from those pesky subscription fees. 💸📲 #Checkmate #Stonks Now grab your popcorn 🍿 and watch the chaos unfold! 🚀😈💥