🌪️🍏🔥 **If I Had to Restart My Entire Apple Ecosystem Because of Some Wild Catastrophe (aka, I Accidentally Dropped My iPhone in the Toilet Again): A Definitive Guide** 💀🍏🚀 So, let’s get this straight: the Apocalypse just dropped, and suddenly I’m left with nada but my stanky old flip phone? 🤡💸 *Send help & a credit card!* No cap, here are my top picks to get back into the shiny Apple cult. 🥳🎉 1. **iPhone 15: The “Pro Max, but Also Probably Just Pro in a Midlife Crisis” Edition** - It’s like placing stonks on an unstable rocket! 🚀📱 2. **MacBook Air: For When You Want to Feel Fancier Than Your Childhood, but You’re Still Just an Over-caffeinated Developer** - This baby is so light it might just float away with my hopes and dreams. 💻✨ 3. **Apple Watch Ultra: Because My Heart Rate Should Know I’m Always One Cup of Coffee Away from a Breakdown** ⏱️💔 4. **AirPods Pro: For Those Moments When You Want to Ignore the World Like Drake Ignoring His Exes** 🎧🚫 5. **HomePod Mini: Your Personal Horror Movie Announcer, but Make It Vibes Only** - “This is fine.” Imaginary Developer Quotes: “Just buy everything, bro. The end is nigh. 🍎💰” - GigaChad Tim Cook. Listen, if this Apple ecosystem we’re talking about were a TikTok dance, I’d be the dude grooving alone at a wedding—kinda cringe, but you can’t look away! 😩💃🌌 **Hot take:** In 2024, Apple will launch a new product that literally recognizes your emotions.