🚨🍏🔊 BREAKING: Apple just took a *huge* L in court and the verdict is... drumroll please... $634 million! 💸💀 Yes, you heard that right! Masimo, the folks who make blood oximeters, just body-slammed the *iFruit* in a patent battle over that oh-so-thirsty blood oxygen feature in the Apple Watch! Talk about an *emotional damage* moment! 🤦‍♂️💔 In a courtroom showdown that would make even the most dramatic TikTok seem tame, the federal jury came to the conclusion that the Apple Watch ain't no "patient monitor"—it's more like *a really expensive wrist accessory for your overpriced iced coffee*! 😂☕️ One leaked developer quote: "We just thought everyone wore watches for fashion... turns out they wanted health features too?!" #HindsightIs2020 😂💡 Meanwhile, Apple’s lawyers are probably in the back crying like Drake pointing at a cringe meme! 😭👉 **Unhinged take:** Brace yourselves, folks! If Masimo wins this, I won’t be surprised if the next iPhone is just a glorified pulse oximeter. Apple Watch 3: The Return of the Bloodsucker Edition coming soon! 🚀🔋🔥 Stonks for health tech? You bet! Get ready for Apple Watch Series 8: *Now with 634 million reasons to sweat!* 🔮💰💀