🚨💰 BREAKING NEWS: APPLE’S PAYOUTS TURN INTO A PIZZA PARTY 🍕💸 So, hold onto your iPhones, folks! 🍏🚀 A fed-up jury just slapped Apple (yes, the same Apple that thinks it runs the universe) with a $634 million bill for playing footsie with Masimo's blood-oxygen tech. Just imagine that legal team - “Your Honor, we thought ‘borrowed’ meant ‘innovation’!” 🤡💀 This is basically Apple Watch's version of “I swear it was a ‘feature’!” 🤦‍♂️💻 You know, when you’re trying to flex those workout stats but they’re just a rip-off of *actual* medical devices. Like, fr fr, are we tracking our heart rates or just vibing in the emergency room? 🏥🛑 Now, Apple’s out here saying this patent expired like that terrible meme from 2019. “Wait, we didn’t know that. Can we just name our next watch ‘better than yours’ and call it a day?” 😂💔 And just when you thought it was over - nope, there's a maze of lawsuits hiding in the shadows like that cringe guy at the party. Now we’re just waiting for the next episode: *Apple vs. The World: The Settlement Saga*. 🍿💼 Prediction time: By 2025, Apple will launch a “Blood-Tracking AirPod" and claim it’s their latest medical breakthrough while charging $1,199. BOSS MOVES or total CAP, you decide! 🔥👑 #StonksOrStoops