🚨🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: AOL is officially pulling the plug on dial-up Internet! 💔📞😱 That's right, folks! In a shocking twist nobody asked for, they're kicking the 90s nostalgia right in the face and saying "sayonara" to the iconic screech and static of that good ol' dial-up. 🎶🦚 As of September 30, 2025, those sweet sounds of connecting will be replaced with absolute silence... or worse: 80% of your mom's Facebook posts! 💀😭 #RIPDialUp In the words of a hypothetical dev: "We decided it was better to send our users straight to the cloud rather than making them wade through 34 years of digital nostalgia like they’re stuck in quicksand." 🏃‍♂️💨 For real, who will survive the apocalypse of 56K? Stonks 📈 are falling as we realize we can't even Google "how to fix my dial-up" anymore! 🤦‍♂️ This is absolute cringe, like trying to convince your Gen Z friends that floppy disks were a thing! But here's the real kicker: 📅 2025 will be the year of the last dial-up wedding-themed meme! So grab your *totally not outdated* AOL account and get ready to craft your final *You've Got Mail* greeting card! 🎉💌 🔥 Hot Take: In 2030, we'll see a NEW dial-up resurgence to “embrace the grind.” Invest all your money in floppy disks now. You heard it here first! 🚀🤑