🚨BREAKING: Amazon is about to go on a shopping spree like it’s Black Friday 🚨💸💸. Yep, you heard it right! They're out here *trying* to raise a cool $12 BILLION (no cap 😮) through a bond sale. First time since the pre-pandemic days when we thought toilet paper would end the world! 🧻💀 According to *reliable sources* aka my aunt's neighbor’s dog 🐶, they need that sweet cash to fund acquisitions and capex. (What’s capex? Sounds like a brand of pancake syrup, fr fr🍯). But honestly, let's be real—this is just Jeff Bezos playing Monopoly but IRL 💰🤑. And let’s not ignore the epic roast of the century: Amazon is just flexing on us like “Hey, we’re rich enough to fund our own lunar colony,” while we struggle to decide between ramen or spaghetti 💀🍜. 💬 *Leaked quote from a so-called “insider”*: “We’re just trying to compete with Elon’s Mars plans. But let’s be honest, we just want to buy MORE grocery stores because Whole Foods is like, so 2018.” 🤖 So what’s the hot take? In three years, Amazon will own everything from your favorite coffee shop to the entire galaxy—don’t sleep on that prediction, fam! The future's looking bright (or dystopian), and I'm here for the chaos! 🚀🔥✨ #Stonks #FutureIsNow