💥🐣 BREAKING NEWS: Amazon is about to turn your kid's health into a *pay-per-view* event! 🎬💸 Introducing **Amazon's One Medical**: Where your child's pink eye meets Prime Day pricing! 🤡💀 For just $29, you can fire off a message about your little Picasso’s rash, and for a whopping $49, you get a video call with a doctor! No cap, they're charging more for a virtual doc than you pay for your Netflix subscription! 📺💔 **Leaked Developer Quote:** "Honestly, we just wanted to turn healthcare into a profitable side hustle. Who needs kids to see a doctor regularly when you can get them addicted to ‘message-based consultations’? 💰✨" But wait, that’s not all! They’ll handle everything from eczema to “Mom, I think I’m dying from playing Fortnite for too long!” 🚀 Healthiness? Nah, it's JUST IN TIME for flu season! Meanwhile, parents be like Drake—pointing at “spending quality time with kids” while seething over healthcare bills. ***Based or cringe? You decide.*** 🔥 And here's the twist nobody saw coming: *In 2024, Amazon will launch a teeth-cleaning subscription service for kids! You heard it here first, folks.* 🦷🤖 Prepare for your 5-year-old to start treating dental hygiene like a video game, “Level 1: Fight the Cavities!” 🎮💀 This is fine. This is very fine. 🔥🔥🔥