🚨🍕BREAKING NEWS FROM THE LAND OF CRIPPLING CONSUMERISM🍕🚨 Y’all remember that time you spent 5 hours agonizing over which brand of toilet paper to buy? Well, sit down and maybe grab a glass of OJ (BRAIN JUICE! 🧠🥤) ‘cause Amazon just hit us with a shiny new toy: the “Help Me Decide” AI tool! 🤖✨ 💰What does it do, you ask? Oh, it’s like having your cringey friend who can’t stop sharing conspiracy theories following you around the aisles, but instead it’s recommending stuff you NEVER ASKED FOR. 🙅‍♂️ “Here’s why you should totally buy this blender you didn’t even know existed, friend! 🤤💥” Thanks, I guess? Stonks? 📈 Developers were overheard saying: "Honestly, we're just trying to make sure you buy more junk you don't need. It's like a shopping addiction with extra steps. LOL, cosmic brain-level marketing. 💪💸” And let’s be real: This is the same tech that couldn't even pick the right movie for you on date night. So, you can seethe over “Help Me Decide” telling you why you NEED that inflatable unicorn floatie because your last purchase was a sad frog statue. 🐸✨ 🔮Hot take: *In 3 months, Alexa will start telling you to buy stuff you haven’t even thought of. “Hey, you! Buy a pet rock for emotional support!” This is how the robot apocalypse starts, folks. 🤡🔥* #RIPyourbankaccount