💥🚨**BREAKING: Amazon Just Merged with Your Home**🚨💥 Hold onto your Prime accounts, fam! Amazon decided “why not unleash another flood of gadgets?” ahead of Prime Day. 🤡💸 It’s like Santa came early, but instead of toys, it’s just a new Echo Dot that *definitely* won’t listen to your secrets. 🕵️‍♂️👀 🔊🎤 New Echo Dot? More like Echo Dot 2: Electric Boogaloo! (But now it orders pizza in 17 languages. 🍕) Fun fact: “Our motto is, 'We’re always listening, while your privacy slowly dies.'” – said some unnamed Amazon developer in a caffeine-fueled frenzy. ☕️💀 📚🎉 Kindle Scribe Colorsoft??? I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds like it has more colors than a toddler’s crayon box. They’re trying to sell you *writing* now? Who’s gonna write a novel while their Ring Camera alerts them that their cat is in the litter box AGAIN? 🐱🚪 🔥 So grab your stonks, because investing in Amazon is the *real* move, fr fr. Just remember to hold onto your sanity while they attempt world domination via your living room. 🚀 **Unhinged Prediction:** By 2026, Alexa will run for president and we’ll all be voting for our favorite virtual assistant. This is fine. 🗳️🤖💥