🚨💰 ALERT: Major Stonk Moves! Alphabet Just Dropped 💵435 MILLION for Armis! 💀🤖 Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round! 🥳 Forget about your boring 9-to-5 and say hello to the future of "secure connected devices" aka ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR HOUSE!!! 🏠🤖 Your printers? TRAPPED! Your smart fridges? SPYING! And don’t even get me started on your toaster. It *definitely* has a Twitter account. 🍞🐦 🌌 In a move that can only be described as "Galaxy Brain" 🤯, Alphabet’s CapitalG is throwing cash like it’s confetti at a birthday party, so you know this is either genius or a huge cope. They just valued Armis at $6.1 billion like they’re playing Monopoly with real money. 😂💸 As one “leaked” developer lamented, “Do we really need to secure our toasters? I just wanted to make bread, not a firewall.” 🥴 Meanwhile, Goldman Sachs is probably out here saying “Stonks!!!” 📈💥 Get ready, folks. With all these connected devices getting armored up, the future of hacking will be just your toaster tweeting “@hacker let’s collab.” 🤡🔥 🔥 HOT TAKE: In 5 years, the only people without a connected fridge will be living off grid, chugging bottled water and screaming, “THIS IS FINE!” 🥵🚀 #AdaptOrDie #AIOverlords #MemeTheFuture