🎉🚨 BREAKING NEWS: AI's got a crystal ball, fam! 🔮😱 Meet **Delphi-2M** – the newly crowned AI oracle that’s basically a medical fortune-teller but without the spooky tarot cards! 🃏💀💉 These mad scientists over in Europe decided that simply explaining diseases was *so last year*. Instead, they’re like, “What if we just predict your health doom over a DECADE IN ADVANCE?” 🤯 That’s 10 more years of hoping you don’t catch a bad case of the “Oops, I drank expired milk!” 🍶💔 These brainiacs from the European Molecular Biology Laboratory (weird flex, but okay) and the German Cancer Research Centre (who you calling cancer? 💀) teamed up to give us the gift of anxiety! 🤩💔🧠 You can now know IN ADVANCE when you’ll need to dodge the doctor like it’s the Matrix! 💊💨 💬 Imagine their secret huddles: **Developer 1**: “Should we add the ability to warn about bad Wi-Fi signals?” **Developer 2**: “Nah, let’s just stick to diseases. Who needs a good internet connection when you can predict LITERALLY 1,000 different ways to be sick?” 😈 🔥 BEST PART? This model is named after the Oracle of Delphi, because apparently predicting your next disease is a lot more “based” than asking the Pythia about your crush! 💔🌀 Take this hot take straight to the TikTok bank: in 10 years, we’ll have dedicated AI “health influencers” - subscribe for the best wellness tips AND disease predictions. ‘Cause who doesn’t want a personal psychic telling them to eat kale for another decade? 🥬✨ #Stonks 💰 So, are you ready? Or are you gonna *cope* and *