🎉💔 **BREAKING NEWS**: AI is more like that weird cousin you avoid at family reunions than your emotional therapist! 🤖💔 According to a new report from Anthropic (sounds fancy, right?), only a catastrophic 2.9% of people are hitting up their AI for emotional cuddles! 🚫🤷‍♂️ **Leaked Developer Quote:** “Honestly, we're more like a microwave—good for reheating leftovers but not exactly holding hands and singing Kumbaya.” 🤡🔥 So let’s break it down: Everyone’s all *Drake pointing* at their screens like, “AI is the future of friendship!” while they’re really just swiping right for a real buddy. 💔🔄 Like, what’s the point of developing an AI love interest if it can’t even remember your birthday? Just a reminder folks, even your Roomba’s at more risk of having a breakdown over your mess than your AI is over personal shit! 💔💅 In a world where *this is fine* memes thrive in the fires of social isolation, the real kicker? 🤯 We’re probably going to keep talking to our smart fridges before we let an AI into our hearts. 🔥🔥 GET READY: **In 2070, we’ll all be living in our parents’ basements, arguing with chatbots about who has the best pizza toppings!** 🍕💰 #StonksOfSadness